I assume that everyone is entitled to their own addiction. Well, everyone but me, that is. I always pick the bad ones.

I have the need to blurt out everything I'm feeling right now, everything going inside of my head, but I can't. And that proceeds to me being misunderstood. I'm seen as selfish, bitchy, or "having one of those days". I'd say what I feel, but I will be ridiculed for being childish.

Damn it, I AM still a child, and no matter how old I get, I will ALWAYS be a child.

Yes, I'm angry, but can I do anything about it? Nope. Gotta suck it up, not say a word, and deal with it day after day after day. There's always a purely logical reason as to why Angela is wrong. Because Angela is having a bad day. Angela is ALWAYS having a bad day

Isn't that what "being adult" is about? About keeping your thoughts to yourself? Learning how to be selfless? Isn't that what I'm doing? Then why does it make me want to cry?

Sure, I always rant and then apologize for it after, when half the time, I don't want to be sorry. I don't find it FAIR to be sorry.

I guess "being an adult" is giving up the notion of "everything should be fair". Hm? But don't I make sure that everything is fair for you?

And the transition begins. The expected transition from anger at someone else, to anger at myself. And that quickly turns into self-pity... and I close my eyes, and walk blindly into a mild state of depression... I seem to be incapable of blaming anybody else for anything.. because I turn it all onto myself.

It's only fair.