the thing that's hardest to understand is why i make the actions i do, when they're not always/often what i choose to show. if that's not who i am, then why would i do it. and if it is who i am, why would i feel as though i would've done differently if i could go back.

what exactly are 'mistakes' and how can they possibly occur if we are really in charge of our own lives.

who has partial control that i'm constantly battling with and angry at?

what causes regret and why am i not allowed to be one person with a set state of mind and specific certain behavioural orders. would i hate myself if i were? i don't see how it could be possible. maybe you're made up of many parts that don't always co-operate, rather than being a single specific being.

i am envious beyond belief of confidence. people are make believe this way of 'living' that means nothing to you or me we don't know who we are why would i keep lying to myself..

why would i be against who i supposedly am.....

there's so much more i feel i need to say that it's all rushing at once.

everything wants to get out and it's clogging up my insides choking in my throat trapping itself these overemotional states i can't handle them well but i wonder what would happen without them.

i'm going to explode from colours and thoughts.

i just don't know and all i can do is absolutely nothing